The first woman that auditions is me
8
posts
Lol WHAT
My brain's like a countless series of doors that are waiting for prompts to engage with that otherwise work like keys to the locks. Without that I often can't even see my own arguments much like how I struggle to remember my own face. Even when a prompt is said, multiple doors can open at once and they tend to start talking over each other, which is part of what makes the medium of typing easier on me than speaking. 
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
last edit on
6/30/2020 11:46:40 PM
On bad days (they're all still me though, none of that splitting nonsense. It's as easy to avoid that as not giving names to them). 
Racing thoughts that can be taken as external entities is a mindfuck.
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Attempting to sort my thoughts into words: 
Visually though it's more purple with a sense of cloth-like textiles, playing on all the senses at once in synesthetically alien ways I'm supposed to turn into something conventional as ideas flow and bleed into one-another. I can as I remember something grab at a smell and texture based on it, and from that I'm supposed to find my argument in a debate. Even vague memories of something that jog a similar feeling come from what they said triggering the same combination of unrelated senses as the first time they did, having it work like a fucked up library I can barely make sense of without cues.
Creatures resembling The Isz hang around other 'entities' that want to be given names and released from cages, but yeahhh no they can stay in there unnamed and unimportant. 
The idea of "creatures without eyes" internalized pretty early for me as one of the scariest things. They are to me like portals to the soul, they show so much about a person based on how they hold them and how they move during conversations. Imagine if they just didn't have eyes, it'd blind me of their affect to a degree I consider haunting.
A lot of my art in the past was fixated on eyes, so naturally a lack of them would mean something. The imagination is a pretty wild place to go, let alone have try to overlay your reality. The line is thinner than it seems, and a lot of my pointing that out from others is an expression of having seen a jarring enough representation of it from myself (that and an ocd itch that forms when people are inconsistent).
Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
last edit on
7/1/2020 12:05:10 AM
8
posts