early 2018 BR said:ugh so i woke up this morning and had a really bad headache, like omg i dont know why my head hurt so much i think maybe i spent too much time on sc last night, like what am i doing with my life omg im such a loser. anyways, i tried on soooo many outfits, i think like 20 but i forgot because i forget things really easily i think i have short term memory loss or adhd, but yeah i tried on a lot of dresses but couldnt decide which color, but it was alright because i got to look in my mirror every time and i like looking at myself. do other people like looking at me? i dont know if im insecure or narcissistic, but anyways i chose a blue dress because i feel blue most of the time. i was thinking about what to to do today when i realized that i am scared of social interaction outside the internet so i should probably just stay indoors and stare at myself in the mirror, but i had already chose the dress. i spent about an hour fighting my extreme social anxiety and decided to go clothes shopping, which is by far my favorite activity, or is talking about things that do not matter to anybody my favorite thing? Idk but i love clothes shopping, i did it for at least 5 hours, i must have tried on at least 100 different outfits and the lady at the fitting room started giving me looks and i kind of wanted to punch her but then i remembered that i was not strong enough to fight, did i mention i have a bad memory? eventually she told me i had to leave the store because i was taking too long and i hadnt picked an outfit yet and then i also remembered that in poor and could not afford to buy any of the outfits and i started crying like omg are you fucking kidding me i just spent hours trying to pick an outfit and im too poor to buy one? then i remembered that i spend too much time on sc to work but it was ok because nothing is my fault so its all good, including the fact that nobody likes me, its their fault not mine. personal responsibility is lame and i hate it, almost as much as i ha.....i mean love myself. anyways i didnt buy anything because im too pretty for any of that shit, totally not because everything in the store is several sizes too small for me. i decided to go out to eat because i was hungry, i mean in always hungry but i was like really hungry then, like you know how you feel like you are going to throw up because you are so hungry? i couldnt decide on where to eat because im chronically indecisive. i thought about going to mcdonalds because its where i eat every day, i mean omg big macs are so fucking delicious, but then i realized i really need to lose weight because i rarely leave the house so i decided instead to go to starbucks, and OMG i fucking love starbucks, i feel so at home when in there like its my natural habitat and the coffee is soooooo fucking good, like if you do not go to starbucks you are a loser like m......i mean, like everybody except me on sc. i wanted to call a friend to come drink starbucks with me but then i remembered that i didnt have any friends hmmm why dont i have any friends? im just too good for anybody and thats why i am always by myself, but im getting off track. i went to starbucks and ordered a mocha with 4 shots of expresso. i always get a lot of expresso because i need the energy from the caffiene or else im boring without it, or am i always boring even with it? idk but i didnt get any food from starbucks because im scared that im gonna get fat even though i already am, as a matter of fact i puke up all my mcdonalds in the toilet everyday then lay down and cry in shame with myself. come to think of it im usually ashamed of myself, but once again im getting off track. omg i always get off topic, its like my mind focuses on a thousand things at once and i really need to learn to focus, like right now as im typing this im thinking about that girl at the clothes shop, i think she has s crush on my but idk and im too scared to ask her for her number because i have crippling anxiety. so i leave the starbucks and decide it is time to go home, but i got lost on the way back because i took a wrong turn when thinking about myself and the meaning of my life, which come to think of it, i can't really think of it. like omg why am i here, why do i come on a forum every night and annoy people? what is my purpose if not to flood the forum chat? surely it is not to get married or have kids because nobody would ever want to do that with me. but anyways i got lost and had to find my way home on my gps because i am too scatterbrained to figure out my way around places, including my own home. i often find myself heading to the bathroom but ending up in the kitchen instead and soon enough i find myself spending the next hour eating nonstop because i have nothing else to do. until i remember that in supposed to be losing weight instead of gaining it. speaking of losing weight, im scared to go on a jog because that means going outside to face the real world, which is perhaps my worst fear next to being banned on SC by the god emperor bohemianrhapsody, who by the way is super good looking and awesome and omg i want to be his empress to badly but he will never let me because i am a loser but still he will make a great emperor and is pretty much the greatest person to ever log onto sc ever. now back to getting lost on the way home, i finally managed to get home. as i walk through the door a feeling of relief overcame me, because i am finally safe from social interaction. empowered by this new sense of security, along with the excessive amount of caffiene in my system, i march to my most prized spot in the entire universe- my computer chair. but then i remembered that i cant get on sc until i take a shower because it had been a week since i took one and i feared the people on sc would be able to smell it from the other side of the globe, but when i went into my bathroom i saw that there was no soap. Isnt that fucking great? omg now i cant wash myself, but i decided to rince anyways. beginning to take off my clothes i promptly decided against the decision because i couldnt stand the look of my own body. i went to look into the mirror, and realized something that threw me into an absolute panic. i had no makeup on! omg how the fuck could i go out like this? how am i going to stare at myself in the mirror that i conveniently placed next to my computer monitor without makeup on? then i started panicking and running around my house sporadically screaming and crying and for some reason got flung into an existential crisis in the midst of it all. i have those a lot because i dont really know why i was born, they're probably the time where i think the most. i dont think very often because thinking is too much work, id much rather act spontaneous and exaggerate my already highly flawed personality online to the point of ridiculousness and tell everybody every single redundant thoughtless thought that comes into my head because in real life my personality as actually quite underwhelming and i dont like talking very much. as a matter of fact i named myself blanc on accident, i meant to name myself blank because whenever im in a room full of chatting people i just sit there with a blanc face but as usual my grammar skills failed me, just like they did in high school and speaking of high school i fucking hate high school because there is too many people and i hate everybody but myself. now what was i talking about before i spun off into another pointless topic that nobody cares about? oh yeah, i had a panic attack because i forgot to wear makeup and it really sucked. i rushed to my makeup drawer to put some on and as soon as i did immediately a false sense of self esteem washed over me and i was ready to log onto sc to once again make people wish i was dead, which i mean sometimes i wish i was too because to be truthful im actually quite depressed because of the very sad state my life is in and do not know what to do about it. i thought about killing myself then but then decided against it because as long as i have my precious chatroom i can be myself, which in case you haven't noticed yet, is the same thing as being insufferable to most people. like omg why does nobody like me? its actually very confusing but then again im a confused person and im also a lesbian so im confused in that way too, especially when i act in an annoyingly dramatic manner for attention from guys and all they do is tell me that i am annoying and to shut up, including that bohemianrhapsody guy who i have the biggest crush on and is awesome, like omg why doesn't he like me? if only i could be as charasmatic as him fuck im s loser. and so many guys have rejected me that ive resorted to being a lesbian just for any chance at a relationship, and so far no luck. oh well, they wish that they be as awf.....i mean as awesome as i am. now, back to my day, i finally got onto my computer but couldnt log on because i forgot my password because i changed it recently, i started sobbing and crying and trying as hard as i possibly could to remember, what could have made me change my password like omg i never change my password because i never change myself, much to the dismay of other people on the internet. so i thought hmmmmmm what could my password be, i thought for a good 30 minutes because my memory is bad and then....I REMEMBERED IT! i had changed my password to bohemianrhapsodyisawesome because i love him so much, i squealed with joy- an emotion i rarely ever feel and then i entered my password and the sc screen came up. home at last! omg today was so fuck crazy like i cant even like ugh i really have nothing else to type but im just gonns keep typing because typing redundant shit is perhaps my favorite activity, dont you remember?
My grandiose delusions are better than yours.
