Sociopath Community

It happens

You looked a bear in the eye? 

Xadem said: 

I was just wondering this, have you ever genuinely feared for your life, or worse thought you were about to die?

Yes. 

Each time I'm under enough fear to think I'm going to die, I get an eerie calm and get all like "Well, this is it". It's only once I realize I'm not going to die that all the fear floods out after the fact and I'm disturbed by how I felt. 

When I feel fear above a certain threshold, I stop feeling it, start behaving without forethought, and am stuck looking at how I was like that in hindsight. 

Fear past a point makes me pseudo-fearless, aka retarded and some form of triggered. I seem to be more afraid of the idea of dying than death itself. 

Please elaborate as well as you can on this experience as well as the ways in which you coped afterwards 

I rode a motorcycle in another country without a license or any driving experience, I've been rude at some cops when I felt cornered, and in general when it seems like I'm going to lose something dear to me I kinda lose my shit and stop worrying as much about causality from being too busy airing out my ego. Strangely enough, I defend trivial worldly tethers that keep me attached to being alive more than I defend my own life itself. 

Thankfully it's easy to admit to after the fact from it not feeling "like me". 

Yes.

When I had a withdrawal seizure, I basically jerked around for 2 minutes, bit my tongue up. When I came to, there were police and ambulance workers telling me to get on a stretcher. No clue what was going on, I thought we were evading the police?

In the hospital I kept asking what was going on, and they were like "what drugs did you do?" I said none (that was the truth). Then they discharged me as an overdose case, even though they did blood work.

I had to go to ANOTHER hospital, and by the time I got there, my heart rate was setting off alarms in the ER. It feels pretty bad to have a heart rate of 160, but seeing it set off an alarm fucks you up more.

All of it was pretty intense, and I still have paranoia about my heart.

Tryptamine said: 

bit my tongue up.

Oh jeez. 

by the time I got there, my heart rate was setting off alarms in the ER. It feels pretty bad to have a heart rate of 160, but seeing it set off an alarm fucks you up more.

...yeah jeez. 

This reminds me of how the main character in Euphoria (on HBO) would get panic attacks if she thought about her breathing, or her heartbeat, and how people would when she's panicking tell her to "Just take deep breaths".