Sociopath Community

Are you comfortable in your sadness?

Blanc said: 

Are you comfortable in your sadness?

 My sadness holds me like a lover. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and his hands come to my chest. Instead of a caress, a strike. His tongue licks a long stripe up my neck, and his saliva is poisonously potent.

I am a bird trapped in a cage of my own design, of things and twigs I have gathered by my own hand. 

My sadness holds me like a lover, it protects me, we move together, wrapped around each other painfully, like a wrist with too many rubber bands.

skinwalker said: 

Misery leaps upon me again, a savage beast, a dear old friend.

To show weakness to oneself would be a vulnerability and I thought I would be better than this. I thought I’d grow up, grow out of it. You never grow out of it. It never lets you go, does it?

I don’t want to hang on long enough to know. Everything I have, presented to me. Everything so superficial in a world where nothing is free.

Was I destined to be like this? Forever stuck, not even at a crossroad, simply stuck, held back by the inky strands of my own insecurities, by the toxic tenacity of all relationships I hold dear to me?

hello darkness...my old friend... I like your post. I don't have time to formulate my thoughts on this atm cause i have to sleep, but personally I don't think depression/melancholy ever goes away. It hasn't for me, anyhow. The reprieves from the deep sometimes get longer, but in the past those times tended to provide a false sense of normalcy, which just made the inevitable crash more devastating. I'm on to that game now. I find accepting it as kind of a constant companion with various volumes of annoyance makes it more enjoyable - humourous even. Although that's only when I have space to observe it - not when it's crushing guts. 

Is there something external behind your misery or is it just waves that come outta nowhere?

I was supposed to be happy.

What does that mean? Happiness as a state seems possible but fleeting. Chasing happiness is chasing the dragon. Contentment seems doable but too much contentment is probably just a result of fear, giving into insecurities, choosing safety. Maybe depends on the person. 

Anyhow, misery isn't as bad as it looks, imo. Feeling nothing - that's the real rub. 

first thought is why a newbie would come to a place like this to talk about their misery and sadness. i wish i was all sweet and inquisitive like u missc instead of suspicious and cynical.

also blanc stfu

Lol it’s Val. She’s not new. 

Live for today and move on once something is lost (and don't remind yourself of it).

And always be aggressive in life, not violent(unless necessary) mind you, but aggressive. But you do have to know how aggressive and in what way, thats where the art is.

Can't remember feeling miserable, sad sure, but miserable no.

Unless you are depressed, then idk take your meds or whatever is the practice, it sounds like a shit situation to me.

MissCommunication said: 

skinwalker said: 

Misery leaps upon me again, a savage beast, a dear old friend.

To show weakness to oneself would be a vulnerability and I thought I would be better than this. I thought I’d grow up, grow out of it. You never grow out of it. It never lets you go, does it?

I don’t want to hang on long enough to know. Everything I have, presented to me. Everything so superficial in a world where nothing is free.

Was I destined to be like this? Forever stuck, not even at a crossroad, simply stuck, held back by the inky strands of my own insecurities, by the toxic tenacity of all relationships I hold dear to me?

hello darkness...my old friend... I like your post. I don't have time to formulate my thoughts on this atm cause i have to sleep, but personally I don't think depression/melancholy ever goes away. It hasn't for me, anyhow. The reprieves from the deep sometimes get longer, but in the past those times tended to provide a false sense of normalcy, which just made the inevitable crash more devastating. I'm on to that game now. I find accepting it as kind of a constant companion with various volumes of annoyance makes it more enjoyable - humourous even. Although that's only when I have space to observe it - not when it's crushing guts. 

Is there something external behind your misery or is it just waves that come outta nowhere?

I was supposed to be happy.

What does that mean? Happiness as a state seems possible but fleeting. Chasing happiness is chasing the dragon. Contentment seems doable but too much contentment is probably just a result of fear, giving into insecurities, choosing safety. Maybe depends on the person. 

Anyhow, misery isn't as bad as it looks, imo. Feeling nothing - that's the real rub. 

 

 I like the way you write about this experience. I guess I always figured that since Radiohead and Hamlet are a thing, it must be a fundamental part of the human condition. But it's hard to extricate normal existential dread from illness or some kind of inherent personality dysfunction. Maybe it'd be easier if normal people were honest about it.

who is 'val'

imagine making two alts to share poetry with urself out of loneliness while pushing 30s

whoever val is she belongs in a ward lmao