It's been since august since I killed something. The thoughts still plague me, I still sometimes feel nostalgic over killing a big ass mouse, a pathetic achievement in reality, but I dreamt to go bigger, and these thoughts, they plague me.
I'm not claiming to be some psychopath, nor a serial killer, while such things might peak my interest. I prefer to have control, which I do for the most part, it's just these thoughts keep conking me in the head.
I mostly have the issues with the thoughts of necrophilia, and the sexual side of these thoughts that I dislike. I don't know why I have to be this way. I don't recall always being this way. I didn't chose it.
I mean I like aspects of who I am, it's just these thoughts are like an addiction, a drug. It's nice to think and fantasize, hell in the moment it's great, but then it wants more. It asks for more.
I don't know where else to vent these thoughts. I don't know fucking where. I need a journal but what if someone finds it?
I'm not expecting to get help, nor am I pleading for help, I am just getting this off my chest.
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It's annoying since it's the topics I find interest and like that bring about these annoying thoughts. I'm watching a documentary called "Dont F**k With Cats" it's interesting to me, it just brings about these thoughts.
It's about a guy who killed cats and recorded it than escalated to murdering a person, they are also obsessed with other serial killers, so they want noteriety for their actions.
It's been since august since I killed something. The thoughts still plague me, I still sometimes feel nostalgic over killing a big ass mouse, a pathetic achievement in reality, but I dreamt to go bigger, and these thoughts, they plague me.
I'm not claiming to be some psychopath, nor a serial killer, while such things might peak my interest. I prefer to have control, which I do for the most part, it's just these thoughts keep conking me in the head.
I mostly have the issues with the thoughts of necrophilia, and the sexual side of these thoughts that I dislike. I don't know why I have to be this way. I don't recall always being this way. I didn't chose it.
I mean I like aspects of who I am, it's just these thoughts are like an addiction, a drug. It's nice to think and fantasize, hell in the moment it's great, but then it wants more. It asks for more.
I don't know where else to vent these thoughts. I don't know fucking where. I need a journal but what if someone finds it?
I'm not expecting to get help, nor am I pleading for help, I am just getting this off my chest.
Mister, for something bigger than a mouse, you would have to aim for elephants.
5
posts