Sociopath Community

*spirals down the tubes of depression rapidly*

Bitch i was doing fine (ish) and then i started spiraling this evening and it was like a slipper slope and next thing u know boom I’m down in the pits of it again feeling really shitty 

like my body physically feels shitty and my mind feels weary and i just feel so heavy and... i just slowly stopped seeing the point in anything. And what normally is positively rewarding to my brain faded to grey so fast 

and now i just feel, like nothing. Like, i feel nothing. And i feel stuck in that nothingness? And its super annoying and frustrating because its like a cage and you just want to get out and be free again but 

yeah, its like prison because... you just feel so trapped 

Idk dude, depression sucks and i never know when its going to hit me but every time it comes i usually want to kill muy self. Not only because you dont wanna live like this but it also *convinces* youi that you should in so many ways, deceiving ways almost. 

Uh.... yeah um.. I’m tired and, forgetting what i was going to say a lot. But 

i dont even see the point in smoking weed, even tho that might make me feel better i feel like, nothing would at this point thats how dark it got so quickly lol 

everythings just black 

and yeah i thought to myself, did i forget my meds? Because, you know, this might happen if i forget to take them um,... and i might feel kinda detached and anxious, or uh.... i might feel uh... suicidal. Like having suicidal thoughts is very common for me if i go off the meds thats how i know i probably forgot. 

But i know i took them today. So, like. I didn’t, forget my meds. 

I’m having suicidal thoughts *with* the medication. So, thats fun. (Normally it blocks all that out and helps me be happier? Or *able* to be happier). 

Anyways, my friends came over (uninvited, and unexpected). so they’re sleeping right now, and.... :( i honestly just want some space right now ... gonna have to make sure they leave soon. I’m, not into this right now like i want them to go.... i just wanna be alone

anyways. 

I’m sick of dreaming. I had nightmares last two nights. First my ex girlfriend, and then the 2nd dream was about zombie type of deal I dunno its a long story but 

yeahhhh I’m so sick of these dreams man. (Nightmares) and I’m so sick, of thinking and I’m sick of everything I’m sick of myself like, I’m sick of doing all the shit i do to keep myself preoccupied ive lost interest in it and the meaning is gone from everything right now like everything literally so 

#mental illness checkkkk  :(

 (Pls help me)

Blanc said: 

What’s the point

 There is no point. Nobody created this universe a point. It is your job to make a point.

I skimmed that.

 You're always repeating how ill and miserable you are, then you'll be a magnet for these things.

It's not a secret that you must change. 

Everything used to feel so infinite possibilities and now it’s just the opposite everything feels like dead ends that lead no where 

it always feels like both feelings will last forever but i know neither will 

- 

i just realized that OSDD is just the inverse of DID. 

So that, it’s, 

it’s happening to someone else, instead of you having to deal with it. 

In normal DID, each alter deals with different things. 

With OSDD, each alter is designed so that you, can remain aloof to the things that did or are happening entirely. 

I will draw a picture with explain-y things on the side to make it more clear 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftheconversation.com%2Fpeople-with-depression-use-language-differently-heres-how-to-spot-it-90877&psig=AOvVaw3FvMRW3hW-36S74Erb7XXa&ust=1583401259818000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAMQjB1qFwoTCIjan7_DgOgCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAU 

https://www.thewholechild.org/parent-resources/age-13-18/suicidal-behavior-ages-13-18/ 

https://www.thehealthy.com/mental-health/depression/suicide-warning-signs/ 

ok never mind I'm not going to draw it because thats' ridiculous when I could just explain it with words but here's the thing 

I think it may be overwhelming subject matter for me to get into personally at the moment and last time I did this (allowing myself to wade into trauma territory with writing) I got overwhelmed and had a panic attack and got really depressed for like three days and it was all terrible 

(had a panic attack that was so severe my entire body went completely stiff like fucking, being dead or something and I could try to walk but it was like I was the literal tin man) 

so yeah im not trying to do that to myself again right now 

trying to limit how often I need to take a Benzo and also my girlfriend is here and it just would be awkward to have a panic attack idk 

so another time.. I will try to calmly, carefully get into it like little by little maybe 

maybe not 

probably not. 

lets just not