Sociopath Community

Yes. Take meds Blanc.

"Something is wrong, something needs to change" as a sensation can target positive and negative things. 

So what's your experience with meds anyway? 

Why take meds? They are not a cure for her problems, it's just a temporary fix that will have to last for her entire life.

No worries i took tonight’s PM meds and I’m back on schedule 

The reason i forget every now and then is because I’m scheduled to take them at night and sometimes i fall asleep before the point where my phone gives me the reminder to take them 

The reason they’re not kept somewhere you can see them is because sometimes people come over and I don’t want them to see them, or steal them or something. And sometimes the people that come over are family, like my sister and her 4 year old, so I keep them away so he doesn’t get into them. He would too. 

Also I keep them away in the cabinet in their little “spot” so I don’t lose them. If I leave them other random places around, I literally forget where I put them, so then I can’t find them, and I’m running around looking for it, and it’s very frustrating and stressful :) 

Godzilla said: 

Why take meds? They are not a cure for her problems, it's just a temporary fix that will have to last for her entire life.

Oh boy... lol the reason I take meds is a lengthy discussion.

But what it ultimately comes down to, is the difference between, a fully functioning happy life, and, a life that cannot be lived because you are in constant crisis. (When I use the word crisis I’m referring to the psychiatric fields use of the term- which means, you have reached a point of complete dysfunction and can no longer live this way due to the excessive levels of whatever mental problem is happening for you at this time.) 

My problem is related to chemical imbalances in the brain (and even the body). So I take meds for both of those issues to level me out. A very important one being leveled out by these meds, is serotonin. 

You want your serotonin to be balanced, evenly distributed, and not to low or too high. 

So yeah, without this balance, it causes panic attacks that last for days, and suicidal ideation and depression at level so intense- that between the two coupled simultaneously I start to dissociate. I get the sensation I am watching myself but am no longer in touch with my body, it’s feeling, and have no control over what it’s doing. And during this “episode” I will typically, be very, extremely driven- to suicide. Just because of how intense the depression and suicidal ideation is- and the sheer panic. When all of that is going on, I’m not in my right mind. I’m not able to rationally step in, as a calm version of myself and say, “hey, you shouldn’t kill yourself, that’s really rash and insane.” 

“There’s plenty of reasons to live.” Because I’m just not in my right goddamn mind. You can’t be, a healthy mind for yourself- when your mind, is the unhealthy mind, and you’re *inside* that unhealthy mind and ruled by its, imbalances and dysfunctions, and poor thought patterns. 

With the help of therapy I have been able to deal with this particular situation, suicidal thought patterns, ideation, depression, panic attacks, etc. By learning not only how to prevent them but also how to deal with them. 

However, without my medication- I’m not able to make this sort of progress, and return to a healthy functioning life. 

Instead I’m just stuck. In that “crisis” point I talked about. Where I’m just basically huddling in a corner, rocking back and forth, talking to myself saying “everythings going to be ok” about 100x, and having a panic attack. The panic never stops, I guess because of the chemical imbalance. I don’t know if you’ve ever had one but, without meds, my mind and body are in a *constant* one. I don’t get a break, to eat lunch or, sleep. There’s no napping. It’s absolute torture, it’s really sad. 

But yeah uh, I’m very lucky that I have medication. Because without it, I really wouldn’t be here right now. It was just too intense how suicidal I was, how far gone into depression I was, and with the intense panic. All it took was a bout of dissociation and I would slip. It literally feels like the feeling of, missing a step going down a flight of stairs. But then you catch yourself. But for me there was no catch yourself. You get this slipping feeling and you’re watching yourself do things you shouldn’t. And then you’re dead. 

And that’s mental illness folks. What I’m describing is like I said, crisis. So, I think because I waited so long to start any kind of treatment process (ten years about), things escalated to a point where my brain and body were just fucking fried. Literally, my adrenal glands were shot. Cortisol glands were shot. I was under 90 pounds when I first came in. I was, in rough rough shape. My life was a train wreck. I didn’t even know who I was. I was just so lost in all of it. The anxiety, depression, and ptsd. A tiny bit of an eating disorder as well. Hurray. 

So yeah, got help. Took some time, meds weren’t an immediate fix by any means. It’s taken years, and a lot of changes have had to be made and, there’ve most definitely been ups and downs. 

But nothing like, the crisis situation I described which, is ultimately where i end up rather quickly as soon as I stop taking the medication again. 

Without it, it’s like. My brain is just, hay wire. Or something, I dunno. Out of balance. It can’t regulate itself well. 

So I have to be on it, in order to not be put through pure hell and to have some normalcy. My own version of it anyway. :) 

Hope that made sense. 

Turncoat said: 

"Something is wrong, something needs to change" as a sensation can target positive and negative things. 

So what's your experience with meds anyway? 

 It’s been positive over all. Life changing. Life saving. I’m very grateful and lucky, to have found something that works, to live in a time that this medication exists. That I don’t have any terrible side effects from it or negatives. 

The only thing about it is the meds do make me sleepy. It’s a 1 in 10 reaction, 9 out of 10 people, are energized by it. They take it in the morning and it’s like a little boost. But for me it’s like, a sleeping pill. Lol 

So I have to take it at night. Then I knock out within 30 minutes of taking it. 

At first though it was an adjustment, that I was willing to make because I just was at the end of my rope and, would of done anything to make the madness stop that was going on in muy head at that point lol. I wasn’t even sure anything would work, I was literally ready to just die because I wasn’t sure anything would. But, yeah. It did start to work. And I was like “oh ok, maybe table suicide for later.” 

And then I started to improve, little by little and I’m like, meh, gonna see if I can make more progress lol why not 

And then yeah, it’s been three years and there’s been some steady incline of progress and from where I began to where I am now, it’s like a whole different person. 

Also, after about two years I wanna say of taking it and treatment, people said I started to seem like my old self again. Which was amazing. Never thought that would happen. 

For me the meds help me sleep. During the day I’m relaxed, I’m not antsy or anxious, or overwhelmed, I can sit still, I can focus. I can keep my train of thought, I can remember things- way way better than I used to. My thoughts are streamlined. Before it was like a;sldkfj always;sldkfj alp;sdjfa;aksdjfl alskdfj; just ALL OVER THE PLACE. No organization. Like, absolutely crazy and unorganized. But with the meds is very linear and organized lol. And it serves as a barrier to block out bad thoughts I normally have without the medication. All of them pretty much. So I don’t have too many negative thoughts about myself or the world, or wanting to kill myself, nothing depressing, or jaded. I’m less angry as well. Not angry at all actually. And i used to be quite bothered with things, sometimes the anger was excessive. And I’d be snappy, or even rage-y. But since the meds that has vanished completely. But I notice if I don’t take them, all these things I’ve listed do come back.

And lastly they help me be calm. So not a lot of panic attacks, though it can still happen, they’re easier to “take down a notch” and breath through them or distract from, deal with them. But without the meds yeah, I’m unable to make it stop. It just gets to a point my whole body is shaking and I’m vomiting and like want to kill myself to make it stop. Lol and have to take a klonopin or something to chill the fuck out. 

So yeah. Those are my emergency meds, for when I’m having like a “crisis situation” as I’ve described in the previous post above this one. Lol 

This reminds me of the utterly childish people I used to know who have this ugly personality trait that made them want to mother other people to feel more in control and mature than others, even though it comes from a place of complete immaturity and hypocrisy.

"Take your meds hon" "dont do that thing that makes you upset" blah blah, no shit thanks for the useless insight. Couldn't be more obvious than your motives for saying it. Makes me pity those people for thinking they're somehow better than you for pointing out something obvious as if they dont do it themselves because they're too smart for that, even when it's a vice of their own.

Nothing against you peach, you just happened to remind me of those people and I hate you for it atm

FOTS said: 

This reminds me of the utterly childish people I used to know who have this ugly personality trait that made them want to mother other people to feel more in control and mature than others, even though it comes from a place of complete immaturity and hypocrisy.

"Take your meds hon" "dont do that thing that makes you upset" blah blah, no shit thanks for the useless insight. Couldn't be more obvious than your motives for saying it. Makes me pity those people for thinking they're somehow better than you for pointing out something obvious as if they dont do it themselves because they're too smart for that, even when it's a vice of their own.

Nothing against you peach, you just happened to remind me of those people and I hate you for it atm

And now you remind of those annoying brats who won't do their household chores because they want to show that they're big boys.

Godzilla said: 

Why take meds? They are not a cure for her problems, it's just a temporary fix that will have to last for her entire life.

Meds can be useful if used in short bursts to help people reach breakthroughs therapeutically, but instead Big Pharma's reformatted it into a lifelong bandage. 

Integrating LSD into therapy sessions would likely be healthier than how they're handling things now.