Sociopath Community

its k

Kick the stool from under our feet when the ball drops?

I bet i can dangle my feet closer to the ground without touching

Update I took my meds and it’s the next day and I’m better again lol 

so funny how quickly (and drastically) everything changes without this magic pill 

everything is smooth flying and as soon as I miss a dose I’m nose diving on fire straight into the ground at full speed lol 

I was cranky as fuck too at work, tired didnt want to be there and wanted to die. Like I was mean and complaining and anti-social, and stopped smiling when I greeted or talked to people. 

and by the end of the day I wanted to literally kill my self and had suicidal ideation and was crying. 

but when I take the meds I’m like :D “HEY GUYS! HOWRE YOU!! WOW I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!! :)))” 

and I’m super happy and normal acting and feeling. 

and have no suicidal thoughts or desire to die, feel optimistic about myself and my life. 

one day without it and I felt absolutely disgusting loke I genuinely hated myself and hated the skin I was in and just felt so gross and ugly and like hated myself so much I wanted to end my own existence because I didn’t see any point in living anymore, I was so depressed. 

and I wanted to cut myself or use drugs to “deal” with the internal anguish?? And nothing else worked like to distract me all I could do was just lay there and sleep and be like :(((((((( beleeeegghhjjjjj (a pile of useless jello) 

and my coworker saw me like that and said “are you okay???” And I was like “yeah why?” And he was like “you look like- *really* fucking miserable.” And someone else, another cod worker chimed in and was like “yeah I was wondering what was wrong, you look really sad. Did something happen? Are you alright??” 

and I was loke “yeah I’m fine I’m just tired hahaa—-“ 

and they’re like “ah okay... me too....” 

And then I genuinely thought about going home and banging myself or slitting my wrists 

lol 

I was like def not okay but I’m so used to that cuz that’s how I was all the time before meds for like years I didn’t think to reach out or ask for help or say hey this isn’t normal I need help or anything like that 

I just let myself suffer lol 

healthy me would speak up and just say hey I’m suicidal need help 

but unhealthy me or suicidal me can’t do that 

which is why people saying “just reach out doesn’t work 

it’s the same thing as getting used to a really hot or cold termpersrure 

you’re just so used to the way things are it doesn’t alarm you that it’s 110 degrees and deadly heat 

you just go about life as normal, suffering in the heat until you pass out on accident. 

But anyways yeah just wanted to say I took my meds and now everything is fine and wonderful again 

thank god for artificially induced uptake and regulation of serotonin!! 

yay!!! :)))

Oh and I forgot to mention yeah yesterday I also completely lost interest in everything I normally like now 

except music 

(but I hated my music and thought I had no ability to write music and sucked severely severely bad and was bad at everything) 

but when I take my meds I’m like “hey I actually can play pretty good. I should develop this ability further. I am interested in this and this is fun! And I should play with other people too, what a great opportunity to live life and enjoy it playing music with others. Hurray!” 

but with no meds I’m like isolatory and have zero interest in like, clothes, makeup, hanging with people and family etc... and I acted really weird at my New Years party yesterday 

like I am less socially guarded like... a lot of stuff just slips off my tongue like no filter. And it’s like mean and negative shit and I just slice into people. 

it’s from the depression and it’s like sarcasm or jokes that are so fucking, derragory and negative it’s loke, grinch-esc aka really being a fucking bitch. And just hating everyone lol and getting mad about the littlest stupidest shit 

I hated the world man lol 

I just wanted to use dope and die lol 

and that’s, the polar opposite like way that I am when I’m depressed vs. me on meds doing well 

lol 

sad that this happens to me but yeah....

ummmmmmm just thought I would include that I was like acting socially weird and “dissociated” isolatory Um... mean and sarcastic and... didn’t want to eat... and uh... lost interest in all things I normally liked completely. Everything. Hated everything. Hated myself. Hated everyone. Lol 

crazy. Just crazy ness.